I stared into the mirror back at my reflection. The hollow eyes on the other side of the mirror were looking deeper into mine. The shadows on my face were becoming one, like an endless abyss. Soon I saw nothing but darkness. I looked away and looked back to see that it was only the familiar face that I once knew, but why was it so hard to recognize now? With scars for eyebrows and grey wisps of nothing for hair I wanted to rip this cold mask off and show my real face, but this mask is the mask of age.
I felt a deep hunger in my belly, down to the core of my soul. My withered legs made me feel like I was standing on jello. I opened the fridge to find nothing but a bottle of ketchup that had been there as long as I can remember. I realized that my life was in my hands. I needed to go to the store and buy food or else I would surely perish. I looked around the room for my coat. I bundled up as best I could, it would be a long trek through the storm. I opened the front door, the car was about fifteen feet away, I felt the weight crashing down on my legs, would I be able to make it all the way to the car? I took a step. I took another one. I was now in the middle of it all, there was no turning back. I carefully watched my footing. I watched as some little whippersnapper carelessly bombed down the street unaware of the danger. The kids these days think they can do anything. Huffing and puffing, I finally made it to the car. I had to give myself a second, I felt as if I was about to pass out. My heart was pounding. The lightheadedness got worse and worse till all I could hear was a loud ringing sound; my vision was turning dark and fuzzy.
I woke up to find I was sitting in my car. It was late, I was still hungry. My heart was tired, my head was sore, it was the after effect of passing out. I tried to start up the car. The old car gave a huff and a puff and then died down with a wheeze. My watch read 9:20. If I wanted to eat I would have to make it within the hour. I thought of all the relatives I could call. Aunt Janine was pretty close and she has a car. I struggled to hit all the right numbers with my brittle hands. On the third try I got all the numbers punched in correctly. As I waited for the dial tone I felt like I was going to puke. I was thirsty, but water only made me feel hungrier. Water puts all the weight of food in your stomach without actually making you feel nourished. Aunt Janine answered the phone, “ehem… hello Walters’s residence.” “Hey Jan, it’s Bob.” “Oh how are you today?” “It’s alright, what about you?” “I’m good; I just finished baking a cake for Cousin Jim’s family fun party. Will you be joining us?” “I wish I could that sounds like a really swell time but I have just been so snowed with work around the house and you know…..I called to see If I could get a ride to the grocery store. My car broke down and I have no food in the house.” “Oh of course, I haven’t seen you in such a long time, we need to catch up.” “Ok, thanks Jan.” “Bye.”
It wasn’t that I hated my family, don’t get me wrong, they are all nice people, but I always felt like those family fun nights were so fake. It was more of a forced meeting then a fun family time. I mean come on “family fun night.” It’s like some sort of mask they put on to show to the outside world. It’s kind of like an insurance to make it appear that they are normal. I have always been on the outer ring of the family, although they all try to make it seem like I’m not. It’s just another mask. There was a knock at the door. Jan was at the door with her bunt cake and overblown lipstick. She stumbled through the snow in her high heels as I slowly trudged through what felt like a mountain pass in a blizzard. We had twenty five minutes to make it to the store, the store was about ten minutes away; I was in the clear. “Bob did you see that doctor?” “Uh…Yea.” I said.
As we drove I drifted into another world. The snowflakes played tricks on my eyes in the dark night air. We were a ship racing through the universe. Stars of frozen water rushed past us. I thought back to when I was a child; you take everything for granted as a child. You don’t appreciate being able to bounce around the room as if nothing can stop you. Now I would do anything just to be able to walk at a normal pace.
The car came to a stop; we were in the parking lot of stopnshop. I had a good ten minutes to browse through the aisles. I decided to start at the soup aisle. I looked at a can of Dinty Moore beef stew, it was $4.50. Western family was $4.00. It was a hard choice, Dinty Moore was better but it would cost me a whole extra 50 cents. I bought two cans of Dinty Moore and a little bottle of orange juice. Jan dropped me off and went off to the family fun night. I closed the front door behind me and collapsed on the couch. Now my only task was to make the food.
I used the last of my energy to pour the soup into a pot on the oven. The soup I was about to eat would be the best tasting food I would ever eat in my life. Satisfied, I dragged myself over to my bed and passed out. Lying in bed, I felt complete relaxation; I would have the best sleep of my life.
When I awoke, it was 12. I felt like I wanted to do something on this day. I wanted to feel alive, like a kid in a spacecraft. I was bored of this slug lifestyle. I jumped out of bed ignoring the fact that when I landed it made a cracking sound. I warmed up the second can of soup while I watched the television. It flipped to a skydiving channel and I started to watch it. The show reminded me of my younger days when I would skydive. I used to like to push myself to the extreme. Thing is I don’t think my body could even withstand the adrenaline rush now days. I called up an old buddy that I used to skydive with. “Hey Joe, it’s Bob. I was wondering if you could help set me up with a skydiving round at some point today.” “Hey Bob so yea I can set you up with a skydiving round, but are you sure your up for it, you should get some advise from a doctor first.” “I saw a doctor a few days ago and he said I’m doing fine, I think I can manage.” “Ok, so how does 3:30 sound?” “That would be great.” “Ok see you there.”
I pulled my old skydiving suit out of the closet. It had been many years since I had even looked at it. That suit and I had been through a lot of air time together. In only a few hours I would be flying through the sky. I decided that I would savor my last hours on the ground. I turned on the television and drank some cold orange juice. I was enjoying all the little things that I usually take for granted. When you don’t have much mobility, sitting around watching a movie isn’t all that special. The further something is away from you, the more you want it, the closer it is, the less meaning it has. Just like how those youngsters take their youth for granted. Sitting on my couch, pondering life, I began to think how great it is just to make it to my age. Memories are by far the best part of your life. When that moment in time that you call memory occurred, it was so close to you that it meant nothing, but then looking back on that moment, you appreciate every little bit of it. You glorify every little aspect of your recollection.
The phone rang. It was Joe; it was 3:00PM. I pulled out my old skydiving suit and got suited up. I wished I could maintain the same resilience the suit had; it looked as if I had put it away yesterday. The suit still fit me for the most part, although it was a stretch getting it over my stomach. Waiting to get picked up by Joe, the last 15 minutes felt longer than the previous two hours. At last Joe’s truck pulled up in my driveway. As I walked out to his truck, I tried my best to hide my condition. I got in the passengers seat huffing and puffing. “Are you alright?” said Joe. “Oh yea.” I said.
Upon our arrival to the airport, I realized what I was about to do. I got out of the car and grabbed my jump suit. We walked towards the plane at a rapid pace. I needed to slow down and catch my breath. My heart was pounding. I didn’t want Joe to suspect anything, so I tried my best to keep up at his pace. My legs were wobbling; once I got in that plane I would be home free. I climbed up into the plane and nearly collapsed on the floor. “Could I have some water” I asked. The Pilot pointed to a cooler towards the back of the plane. I sat there still catching my breath while the pilot looked at me as if I hadn’t heard him. I staggered towards the back of the plane and guzzled down a bottle of water.
We took off and were rising in elevation steadily. I felt the calm before the storm. I was still; in a situation where I once felt adrenaline I now felt an eerily calm sensation. All I felt was silence; I couldn’t hear the engine or people talking, only dead silence. I looked out the window to see that we were pretty far up, about where you want to jump from. Joe handed me a parachute, despite feeling like it was unnecessary I strapped it on. There were five of us jumping; a man and his wife went first, then some other fellow, and then us. When it was time for us to jump I looked at Joe and nodded. We dropped out of the plane backwards and before I knew it I was in the middle of it all. The wind rushed past my body; I felt like I was flying downwards.
I took a visit to the sky. Life lasts only so long, so don’t live in fear and then die. Age is the gravity that takes you down. So live while you can because only birds can fly.
